Monday, October 7, 2013

Is human connection a lost art form? #relationships #oct #asmsg #romance

Dating.  The word alone makes me want to put a straw into a bottle of wine and suck until it’s dry.  

I’ve been widowed for eight years and have been dipping my foot back into the dating pool.  Dating over forty is a lot different than it was twenty years ago.  I don’t know the rules.  But I honestly don’t remember there being any rules back in the day.  Not really.  You met someone, you hung out, had a good time...not so complicated.  Now I’m finding men who have “tests” and “rules” and blurt out things on the first date like “do you want to have more kids?”

Whoa. Whatever happened to having a good time?  Has fun become a foreign concept?  And what’s with these “tests” I keep hearing of?  Is there some rule book I’m missing?  Geez.  

You’d think being a romance writer would give me an edge, but the fact is men are terrified of me.  They seem to think I have some elevated expectations--which only makes me wonder what they’re lacking, if you know what I mean.  C’mon, people!  Seriously?  The fact that I talk/write openly about sex scares you?  Well, then to quote Sheryl Crow, “you’re not strong enough to be my man.”  

I’ve been on my own for a little over eight years now.  I’ve raised two kids through a lot of trauma and grief, dealt with my own sorrow, kept the roof over our heads and am admittedly very independent.  I’m a published romantic suspense novelist who writes about fierce woman overcoming great odds--probably because I relate to my heroines.  I’m sassy. I can handle a drill and a chainsaw as well as put on pair of heels and enjoy a nice night at the theater.  I honestly don’t feel I need to jump through any hoops to to “prove myself” to any man.  

Therein lies the problem.  I don’t audition on a date. What you see is what you get.  I tell it like it is because I don’t feel I have anything to hide.  I’m sexy and I know it (quoting a song from LMAO).  I’ll hang out with you as long as we’re getting along and attracted to one another--and as long as my intuition doesn’t scream “serial killer”.  

I don’t have a list of tests and, honestly, am insulted that people do.  Is this the problem with today’s dating world?  Do people go into the beginning of a relationship as if it’s a business transaction?  You do this and I’ll do that, what can you give me, what benefit is this to my life?  Is that how it’s done?  Well, I’m refusing to play by those rules.  I’ve never been good with rules anyway and I left tests behind when I graduated college twenty years ago.  

Relationships are human connections that have nothing to do with business unless you’re a prostitute or a mail order bride.  C’mon!  Love is about feelings, attraction, fun and passion. I’m going to stumble around doing things my way because that’s how I roll--right or wrong.  As long as my date is making me laugh and makes me feel appreciated, I’m good with that.  Call me old fashioned, if you will...but I’m all about finding a heart connection rather than a business partner.  


Christina Mandara said...

I'm all for Karma... the more Mr Wrongs you date... and the 'do you want more kids' question on a first date is a signal for you to run quickly... the closer you come to finding Mr Right.

On the plus side, it's all good entertainment - you've just got to hang on in there.

My answer to Mr Want More Kids...

Yes, at the very least another 20 or so.

That'd would've had him running from the restaurant ;)

Unknown said...

Very good blog. I've been on the dating market myself, for a while. I think men (won't speak for women) have tests, and push, because once we reach a certain age, say 40ish, we no longer think we're immortal, we can see the end, albeit in the distance, and so we hurry a little more than we did when we were younger, and thought death had no hold on us.

So, while relationships may be different, they remain relationships. At least I hope so. Otherwise we're all just spinning our wheels. :)

Amber Lea Easton said...

LOL Great comments! Thank you both.

I guess I'm at a point where I won't play the games or jump through the hoops or participate in any tests. I don't care if they see the end or whatever their reasoning is. That's just not my style. I won't audition--we either click and have fun or we don't. It's not really that complicated.

Oh, I forgot to ask that the last guy I dated asked me on every date we had (a total of six, he actually made it pretty far) how much money I made. Keep in mind...six dates TOTAL. I personally feel that money questions are taboo unless you're at a point of combining lives, which we weren't at six dates. LOL Perhaps it's because I'm a widow and the sole support of two kids, but that question sent off alarm bells. I need to be careful. On the flip side, I never once asked him about his finances. My mama always told me that was impolite. :) Are manners dead? It's a date, not a business transaction. I think everyone needs to lighten up a lot! DATING should be fun.